Oh boy, you're going to want to quit reading this right now. The reason for that would be because it is almost January and that means..... Time for the January Whole30!! So I will be boring the life out of this blog for the next while with cranky posts about not being able to eat sugar or dairy or alcohol.
I am hoping it won't be so bad because I have retained a few habits from last year's Whole30. I still drink black coffee, I still don't hardly eat legumes, I still attempt to avoid cheese and other dairy, and I still attempt to avoid needless grains. I have recently fallen completely off the wagon because Thanksgiving and Christmas. I didn't even bother pretending to limit anything I shoved in my mouth since Turkey Day. Of course I have paid for that immensely by feeling like crap, being super tired, not being able to poop, feeling totally achy, and getting raging neck pimples.
Who am I fooling? It will totally be so bad!! The hardest part is that I am an expert at rationalizing terrible food choices. I can convince myself to eat some pretty awful stuff. I once ate a serving of moldy pancakes because I rationalized that I didn't want to make my date feel bad by refusing to eat them. Moldy. Pancakes...! The worst part is this wasn't an isolated episode. I have also eaten moldy bread pudding. Again, I didn't want to make a fuss, so I ate it. Ack!!
This year's Whole30 will concentrate on not rationalizing poor food choices. I want to focus on good food that is good for me.
New this year -- I might train for a half marathon. There's one coming up in May and it's not one of those obnoxious Color Runs or Spartan Races or Mudders. It's just a plain half marathon. It isn't even combined with a full marathon. It's just straight up 13 miles of running. Granted I haven't even walked 13 miles since 2003, but whatevs. I got time to start working on it. I do need something to do that is active. I can't really keep blaming my slothfulness on my kid since she is five and fully capable of either running with mommy or staying home with daddy without as much fuss as a younger kid would cause.
So I guess these are New Year's resolutions? We'll see. We shall see...
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
30 Ways Being A Working Mom Is Awesome
1. You see your kid less than daycare sees them.
2. After working all day, you get to come home and cook and clean and do homework and take out the garbage and clean and do laundry and do the dishes and give bathes and clean.
3. You get to spend all day with people based on circumstances, not choice.
4. You can't quit because money or health insurance or retirement funds or money.
5. Your kid asks every morning if you have to go to work again.
6. You probably don't use your vacation days for vacation because puking kids aren't allowed in school and mom is the one who has to stay home to take care of them.
7. If you do use vacation days for a real vacation, it's not very relaxing because you have to pack your clothes and the kid's clothes and all the toiletries and make the plane reservations and make sure the hotel has strollers you can borrow and don't forget the sunscreen or the goggles or the sand toys or the snacks.
8. Your sick days are actually used when you are sick because your kid brought home the creeping crud from school.
9. Being home from work sick doesn't mean rest and recuperation, it means just a normal day with more puking and tissues.
10. Errands after work don't run themselves and usually include a cranky kid fresh from daycare.
11. Holidays are not relaxing because they are predetermined a year in advance as to which relatives you are dragging your kid to.
12. That is, if you don't have to work during the holidays.
13. You work more than non-parents because you know from first hand experience that projects won't do themselves.
14. You get the joyous designation of "office mommy" which just means you know how to clean up after people.
15. Just like your kid who knows you will get them the red cup after you already filled the blue one, your boss knows you won't say no to most requests.
16. Most office disputes are taken care of by you because if you can handled a cranky toddler, you can handle Ted from IT.
17. You never get a full lunch break to actually enjoy lunch because the Post Office and the bank and the eye doctor and the veterinarian all close at exactly 5pm so get your butt over there between 12pm and 1pm or else.
18. Lunch consists of leftovers or whatever your kid wouldn't eat the night before.
19. When packing lunch, you have to leap up from the dinner table and immediately put a portion of dinner in a lunch container and hide it behind the cabbage or else someone in your family will eat it before you get a chance.
20. Dinner consists of McDonald's drive thru more than you care to admit.
21. You occasionally leave work early and take a nap in your car because it's not time to pick the kids up yet but you just can't sit at work any longer.
22. All the men you work with make more money than you.
23. All the men you work with get promoted faster than you.
24. Maternity leave has a stigma attached.
25. Your husband makes more money than you and doesn't have to cook and clean when he gets home. Every. Damn. Day.
26. Your kids only vet to see tired, stressed mom and not the mom you want to be.
27. Your husband only gets to see tired, stressed mom and not the wife you wanted to be.
28. If you have almost no time for your family, you have absolutely no time for friends.
29. Weekends are not relaxing because your too busy doing all the crap you neglected during the week.
30. Nothing. Nothing is awesome about being a working mom.
2. After working all day, you get to come home and cook and clean and do homework and take out the garbage and clean and do laundry and do the dishes and give bathes and clean.
3. You get to spend all day with people based on circumstances, not choice.
4. You can't quit because money or health insurance or retirement funds or money.
5. Your kid asks every morning if you have to go to work again.
6. You probably don't use your vacation days for vacation because puking kids aren't allowed in school and mom is the one who has to stay home to take care of them.
7. If you do use vacation days for a real vacation, it's not very relaxing because you have to pack your clothes and the kid's clothes and all the toiletries and make the plane reservations and make sure the hotel has strollers you can borrow and don't forget the sunscreen or the goggles or the sand toys or the snacks.
8. Your sick days are actually used when you are sick because your kid brought home the creeping crud from school.
9. Being home from work sick doesn't mean rest and recuperation, it means just a normal day with more puking and tissues.
10. Errands after work don't run themselves and usually include a cranky kid fresh from daycare.
11. Holidays are not relaxing because they are predetermined a year in advance as to which relatives you are dragging your kid to.
12. That is, if you don't have to work during the holidays.
13. You work more than non-parents because you know from first hand experience that projects won't do themselves.
14. You get the joyous designation of "office mommy" which just means you know how to clean up after people.
15. Just like your kid who knows you will get them the red cup after you already filled the blue one, your boss knows you won't say no to most requests.
16. Most office disputes are taken care of by you because if you can handled a cranky toddler, you can handle Ted from IT.
17. You never get a full lunch break to actually enjoy lunch because the Post Office and the bank and the eye doctor and the veterinarian all close at exactly 5pm so get your butt over there between 12pm and 1pm or else.
18. Lunch consists of leftovers or whatever your kid wouldn't eat the night before.
19. When packing lunch, you have to leap up from the dinner table and immediately put a portion of dinner in a lunch container and hide it behind the cabbage or else someone in your family will eat it before you get a chance.
20. Dinner consists of McDonald's drive thru more than you care to admit.
21. You occasionally leave work early and take a nap in your car because it's not time to pick the kids up yet but you just can't sit at work any longer.
22. All the men you work with make more money than you.
23. All the men you work with get promoted faster than you.
24. Maternity leave has a stigma attached.
25. Your husband makes more money than you and doesn't have to cook and clean when he gets home. Every. Damn. Day.
26. Your kids only vet to see tired, stressed mom and not the mom you want to be.
27. Your husband only gets to see tired, stressed mom and not the wife you wanted to be.
28. If you have almost no time for your family, you have absolutely no time for friends.
29. Weekends are not relaxing because your too busy doing all the crap you neglected during the week.
30. Nothing. Nothing is awesome about being a working mom.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Rose's Rules For Facebook Buy/Sell/Trade Animal Groups
Facebook buy/sell/trade groups can be a great way to locate sellers and buyers for stuff. Here's some rules to make the most of your free membership:
1. Always post "wanted" ads for the exact same thing in the previous "for sale" ad. It helps if you are in the same area as the previous seller. Advanced tip: Be sure to say in your "wanted" ad that you want the item for free.
Ad example: "For sale - Ten Muscovy ducks. $5 each. Located in Naven."
Your ad: "Wanted - Muscovy ducks in Naven. Must be cheap or free."
2. Reply to all ads with philosophical questions.
Ad example: "Wanted - Someone to butcher a cow"
Your reply: "Why would you want to butcher such a nice cow?"
3. Reply to all ads with criticism.
Ad example: "Horse for sale"
Your reply: "That horse is too skinny."
4. Post ads with way too much personal information.
Ad example: "Selling our pig because my husband lost his job and the landlord doesn't want us to have pigs anymore and the kids are too attached to the pig to eat it."
5. Post "for sale" ads with outrageous prices.
Ad example: "For sale - 25 year old horse, not trained, can't be ridden, needs special diet and extra hoof care monthly. $2500 firm!"
6. Be passive-aggressive.
Ad example: "For sale - 3 roosters, $10 each - Must go as pets only, don't contact me unless serious, fenced in yard only, must pick up. No delivery. Going to the first person who comes to get them. I will not hold them. Cash only."
7. Post guilt trip ads.
Ad example: "Nice dog needs a new home. Previous owner died and this nice little dog is all alone. She just wants a forever home!"
8. Post ads for stuff not related to the group.
Group: "Farm Animals in NNY"
Ad example: "1984 Chevy Impala for sale"
9. Use the group to solicit advice.
Post example: "My goat has a cough. What's wrong with it?"
10. Post links to political stuff vaguely related to animals.
With these tips, you should be the most valuable person in the group, or get you banned... whatevs.
1. Always post "wanted" ads for the exact same thing in the previous "for sale" ad. It helps if you are in the same area as the previous seller. Advanced tip: Be sure to say in your "wanted" ad that you want the item for free.
Ad example: "For sale - Ten Muscovy ducks. $5 each. Located in Naven."
Your ad: "Wanted - Muscovy ducks in Naven. Must be cheap or free."
2. Reply to all ads with philosophical questions.
Ad example: "Wanted - Someone to butcher a cow"
Your reply: "Why would you want to butcher such a nice cow?"
3. Reply to all ads with criticism.
Ad example: "Horse for sale"
Your reply: "That horse is too skinny."
4. Post ads with way too much personal information.
Ad example: "Selling our pig because my husband lost his job and the landlord doesn't want us to have pigs anymore and the kids are too attached to the pig to eat it."
5. Post "for sale" ads with outrageous prices.
Ad example: "For sale - 25 year old horse, not trained, can't be ridden, needs special diet and extra hoof care monthly. $2500 firm!"
6. Be passive-aggressive.
Ad example: "For sale - 3 roosters, $10 each - Must go as pets only, don't contact me unless serious, fenced in yard only, must pick up. No delivery. Going to the first person who comes to get them. I will not hold them. Cash only."
7. Post guilt trip ads.
Ad example: "Nice dog needs a new home. Previous owner died and this nice little dog is all alone. She just wants a forever home!"
8. Post ads for stuff not related to the group.
Group: "Farm Animals in NNY"
Ad example: "1984 Chevy Impala for sale"
9. Use the group to solicit advice.
Post example: "My goat has a cough. What's wrong with it?"
10. Post links to political stuff vaguely related to animals.
With these tips, you should be the most valuable person in the group, or get you banned... whatevs.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
life is.... life
My kid is crying because I used the toilet first. Apparently she needs to be Queen of Her Domain in the bathroom in order to feel that all is right and good enough to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She's stalling the inevitable bedtime. I love how stalling only occurs on nights when she's tired and really needs to go to bed early.
My job situation sorted itself out for the most part. I am back to Plan A. This is good. The universe calmed down with its cosmic signs. I never heard back from Plan W. I hate job searching because if you don't hear back from a company after you send a resume or application, there's no good way to tell if it is because you aren't qualified enough, or are overqualified, or they already hired someone else, or they didn't like your cover letter, or they never received your information in the first place. It's painful to speculate on why you are not hearing anything but it's impossible to not imagine all sorts of terrible things.
Considering that I just had a craving for speculoos cookie butter because I just typed the word "speculate", it must mean one thing --- I am back to not eating carbs again. Don't worry, I won't start posting my lame meal plans and boring dietary musings on a daily basis. Between job stress and the fallish weather, I have been pounding cookies with vengeance. I got lazy and stopped cooking. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with popcorn on the side have been a staple. Ugh...
My job situation sorted itself out for the most part. I am back to Plan A. This is good. The universe calmed down with its cosmic signs. I never heard back from Plan W. I hate job searching because if you don't hear back from a company after you send a resume or application, there's no good way to tell if it is because you aren't qualified enough, or are overqualified, or they already hired someone else, or they didn't like your cover letter, or they never received your information in the first place. It's painful to speculate on why you are not hearing anything but it's impossible to not imagine all sorts of terrible things.
Considering that I just had a craving for speculoos cookie butter because I just typed the word "speculate", it must mean one thing --- I am back to not eating carbs again. Don't worry, I won't start posting my lame meal plans and boring dietary musings on a daily basis. Between job stress and the fallish weather, I have been pounding cookies with vengeance. I got lazy and stopped cooking. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with popcorn on the side have been a staple. Ugh...
Saturday, August 22, 2015
The Universe Is Mocking Me
My life has been "special" lately. By "special", I mean totally effed up. I will be losing my job in two months. My super awesome boss is moving his research program to another state. He asked, or actually begged, me to come with him and my other coworkers. Unfortunately I can't bring myself to force my family to move to a state where we have never even driven through for a job that can't guarantee 10 years of stability. And there's the tiny issue of my husband's super successful tree care business that he would have to abandon here and try to reestablish there. So yeah, I will not be going with the rest of the group.
That leaves me trying to find a job. In the area that I live, there's not a whole lot of options for the line of work that I do. Through the panic of thinking about this situation and trying to decide what to do, I begged the universe for a neon sign to show me what to do. I had Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and wanted a sign for which one to pursue. There's a lot of wacky coincidences that happen in strange ways, so I do believe in signs and fate.
Well, the other day I was cruising the interwebz trying to get my mind off my crappy situation by surfing around looking for jobs in random locations. Low and behold, I stumble upon a detailed help wanted ad with a job description that eerily mirrors my exact current job description. It was freaky the way this position was looking for someone with my exact qualifications and training. So I then checked out the location of this job and was floored to find it located about thirty minutes from my parent's house. Ack!
I have always hoped to move back to that area. My parents have a large farmstead with a gorgeous house, several nice barns, and two small apartments. They live near a big city but are located in a rural area. My mom has often said that as she and dad get older, they would love to move out of the big house and into one of the small apartments. And then one of the kids could live in the big house and take care of the farm (and them). It would be so nice to have the help of family nearby when I needed it. My other family members live in that area too. The only problem is that my husband would have to relocate his company and live with his in-laws. He likes my family a lot but that's a big commitment for someone to do.
This job description has to be the sign I asked for. But, of course, instead of pointing to Plan A, B, or C. It points to Plan W! This idea of moving home is not what I was expecting. The universe is definitely mocking me by giving me a bright sign to a complicated new idea.
That leaves me trying to find a job. In the area that I live, there's not a whole lot of options for the line of work that I do. Through the panic of thinking about this situation and trying to decide what to do, I begged the universe for a neon sign to show me what to do. I had Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and wanted a sign for which one to pursue. There's a lot of wacky coincidences that happen in strange ways, so I do believe in signs and fate.
Well, the other day I was cruising the interwebz trying to get my mind off my crappy situation by surfing around looking for jobs in random locations. Low and behold, I stumble upon a detailed help wanted ad with a job description that eerily mirrors my exact current job description. It was freaky the way this position was looking for someone with my exact qualifications and training. So I then checked out the location of this job and was floored to find it located about thirty minutes from my parent's house. Ack!
I have always hoped to move back to that area. My parents have a large farmstead with a gorgeous house, several nice barns, and two small apartments. They live near a big city but are located in a rural area. My mom has often said that as she and dad get older, they would love to move out of the big house and into one of the small apartments. And then one of the kids could live in the big house and take care of the farm (and them). It would be so nice to have the help of family nearby when I needed it. My other family members live in that area too. The only problem is that my husband would have to relocate his company and live with his in-laws. He likes my family a lot but that's a big commitment for someone to do.
This job description has to be the sign I asked for. But, of course, instead of pointing to Plan A, B, or C. It points to Plan W! This idea of moving home is not what I was expecting. The universe is definitely mocking me by giving me a bright sign to a complicated new idea.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Perfect Online Livestock For Sale Ad Template
Hi folks! Have you ever wondered how to write the best online for sale ad for your livestock? You want it to shine off the page so hoards of people will be emailing and PM'ing you to get in line to buy that critter now. Well, here's your chance to get it right -- Introducing::
Rose's Handy Dandy Livestock For Sale Ad Template
Ad title: Something catchy and descriptive, like "Horse for Sale"
Ad details: Be sure to mention the breed, temperament, medical history, training records, and any other useful information. Be sure to embellish here and there with minor half-truths and lots of exclamation points! (Not too many exclamation points, you don't want to sound desperate!!) For example:
"Halfinger X Quarter Horse X Arabian X Pinto purebred horse for sale. Uncut stallion, forty-two years old. Flashy mover! Super friendly, good boy! Needs advanced rider. Bad pasterns but not lame with proper shoes. Rescue horse, in good shape now! Stands, ties, good for farrier. UTD on shots."
Sob story: Always have a reason for why you have to ditch the beast.
"I hate to sell him, but I just don't have time to give him what he deserves. We are moving to Zimbabwe and landlord won't let us keep pets."
Pictures: The best pictures must be blurry, dark, and not even centered on the animal for sale.
Price: Be sure to value the animal properly, taking into consideration it's goods and bads.
Rose's Handy Dandy Livestock For Sale Ad Template
Ad title: Something catchy and descriptive, like "Horse for Sale"
Ad details: Be sure to mention the breed, temperament, medical history, training records, and any other useful information. Be sure to embellish here and there with minor half-truths and lots of exclamation points! (Not too many exclamation points, you don't want to sound desperate!!) For example:
"Halfinger X Quarter Horse X Arabian X Pinto purebred horse for sale. Uncut stallion, forty-two years old. Flashy mover! Super friendly, good boy! Needs advanced rider. Bad pasterns but not lame with proper shoes. Rescue horse, in good shape now! Stands, ties, good for farrier. UTD on shots."
Sob story: Always have a reason for why you have to ditch the beast.
"I hate to sell him, but I just don't have time to give him what he deserves. We are moving to Zimbabwe and landlord won't let us keep pets."
Pictures: The best pictures must be blurry, dark, and not even centered on the animal for sale.
"$10,500 firm"
Declaration: You don't want to waste your time with cheapos and scammers
"Serious inquiries only. Don't waste my time if you are not ready for him. Don't bother emailing me if you don't want him. Good homes only! I will not respond to spam and fakers. Be sure to put "Haflinger X Quarter Horse X Arabian X Pinto in the subject line or else I will delete it as spam."
Contact information: Make it clear when and how people should get hold of you.
"Call Mondays, Tuesdays, and Saturdays between 7am and 9am. Leave a message and I will get back to you. Posting for a friend so don't email. No calls after 5 pm!!!"
Location: Give plenty of detail.
"Upstate NY"
With this template for success, that animal is already sold!
PS: If not sold in a timely fashion, it's totally fine to repost the ad over and over while threatening people. Lower the price to sweeten the pot.
"STILL AVAILABLE! Must be gone by tomorrow morning at 5 am or else!! Price reduced to $10,450!!!"
Monday, May 11, 2015
Well, that's different!
I have noticed my eating habits have changed in a major way since doing the Whole30 and staying paleo. I have even shocked myself lately. Today I bought mini cupcakes at the big grocery. Normally my kid would have one or two and I would eat the other ten on the forty-five minute drive home. Then I would shove the empty package in the car garbage so no one would see it. But today I had one as I got in the car and didn't have any more. It wasn't even a self imposed "I am only going to have one" thing where I agonized about the other nine that were just sitting there. I ate the one and then asked myself if I wanted more and I was like "meh.." so I didn't have more.
Even after dinner the cupcakes were still around and I would normally have snuck at least two right after eating... but again, I didn't. I had some fruit and then much later had a cupcake. Now it is late and everyone is asleep and I used to binge eat at night. But tonight I feel chill and not craving sugar.
I am feeling good about this stuff. I hope these changes continue.
Even after dinner the cupcakes were still around and I would normally have snuck at least two right after eating... but again, I didn't. I had some fruit and then much later had a cupcake. Now it is late and everyone is asleep and I used to binge eat at night. But tonight I feel chill and not craving sugar.
I am feeling good about this stuff. I hope these changes continue.
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