Thursday, May 14, 2015

The Perfect Online Livestock For Sale Ad Template

Hi folks! Have you ever wondered how to write the best online for sale ad for your livestock? You want it to shine off the page so hoards of people will be emailing and PM'ing you to get in line to buy that critter now. Well, here's your chance to get it right -- Introducing::

Rose's Handy Dandy Livestock For Sale Ad Template

Ad title: Something catchy and descriptive, like "Horse for Sale"

Ad details: Be sure to mention the breed, temperament, medical history, training records, and any other useful information. Be sure to embellish here and there with minor half-truths and lots of exclamation points! (Not too many exclamation points, you don't want to sound desperate!!) For example:

"Halfinger X Quarter Horse X Arabian X Pinto purebred horse for sale. Uncut stallion, forty-two years old. Flashy mover! Super friendly, good boy! Needs advanced rider. Bad pasterns but not lame with proper shoes. Rescue horse, in good shape now! Stands, ties, good for farrier. UTD on shots."

Sob story: Always have a reason for why you have to ditch the beast.

"I hate to sell him, but I just don't have time to give him what he deserves. We are moving to Zimbabwe and landlord won't let us keep pets."

Pictures: The best pictures must be blurry, dark, and not even centered on the animal for sale.

Price: Be sure to value the animal properly, taking into consideration it's goods and bads. 

"$10,500 firm"

Declaration: You don't want to waste your time with cheapos and scammers

"Serious inquiries only. Don't waste my time if you are not ready for him. Don't bother emailing me if you don't want him. Good homes only! I will not respond to spam and fakers. Be sure to put "Haflinger X Quarter Horse X Arabian X Pinto in the subject line or else I will delete it as spam." 

Contact information: Make it clear when and how people should get hold of you.

"Call Mondays, Tuesdays, and Saturdays between 7am and 9am. Leave a message and I will get back to you. Posting for a friend so don't email. No calls after 5 pm!!!"

Location: Give plenty of detail. 

"Upstate NY"

With this template for success, that animal is already sold!

PS: If not sold in a timely fashion, it's totally fine to repost the ad over and over while threatening people. Lower the price to sweeten the pot.

"STILL AVAILABLE! Must be gone by tomorrow morning at 5 am or else!! Price reduced to $10,450!!!"

Monday, May 11, 2015

Well, that's different!

I have noticed my eating habits have changed in a major way since doing the Whole30 and staying paleo. I have even shocked myself lately. Today I bought mini cupcakes at the big grocery. Normally my kid would have one or two and I would eat the other ten on the forty-five minute drive home. Then I would shove the empty package in the car garbage so no one would see it. But today I had one as I got in the car and didn't have any more. It wasn't even a self imposed "I am only going to have one" thing where I agonized about the other nine that were just sitting there. I ate the one and then asked myself if I wanted more and I was like "meh.." so I didn't have more.

Even after dinner the cupcakes were still around and I would normally have snuck at least two right after eating... but again, I didn't. I had some fruit and then much later had a cupcake. Now it is late and everyone is asleep and I used to binge eat at night. But tonight I feel chill and not craving sugar.

I am feeling good about this stuff. I hope these changes continue.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015


I read an article in the Washington Post today about diets and why it is so hard to keep up with them. One thing the person said that struck me was if you look at a donut 19 times and don't eat it, but then you do eat it on the 20th time, you lose the willpower game. You don't get any points for the 19 times you didn't eat the donut. What only matters is that you ate it in the end and now those calories are a part of you.

I play this game a lot where I will focus on a food and ignore it for a long time but then eat it in the end. I lose. When being strictly on the Whole30, I didn't have that problem once the carb cravings went away. I think it's because my focus on bad foods gets super magnified by sugar addiction. It's probably a little similar to alcoholism. I can't just have a little sugar or carbs or dairy. It triggers things to cascade until I am eating Lucky Charms out of a coffee mug at 8pm.

So I guess I can't just have a little sugar. It's like having a little crack or being a little pregnant.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Entertaining Without Food

One of the thing I would like to work on is learning to entertain myself without food. I have always tended to use food as a form of entertainment -- every trip ends with going out to eat, or every party is centered around meal. I am struggling with removing food as the focal point because if I know I shouldn't eat certain things, then I need to avoid bad food options by having non-food options. I need to think of things that are fun that do not fill my face.

This is becoming a major issue because my kid has caught on that fun = food. She likes making special trips to go out to eat and she wants snacks in the car whenever we go anywhere. She's not even a big foodie but she has learned that doing something fun with mommy should involve food.

I tried to think of non-food activities this weekend and came up with a very short list. I am saddened that my imagination is so limited. So I am going to try to retrain my brain.