Rose's Rules For Facebook Buy/Sell/Trade Animal Groups

Facebook buy/sell/trade groups can be a great way to locate sellers and buyers for stuff. Here's some rules to make the most of your free membership:

1. Always post "wanted" ads for the exact same thing in the previous "for sale" ad. It helps if you are in the same area as the previous seller. Advanced tip: Be sure to say in your "wanted" ad that you want the item for free.

Ad example: "For sale - Ten Muscovy ducks. $5 each. Located in Naven."
Your ad: "Wanted - Muscovy ducks in Naven. Must be cheap or free."

2. Reply to all ads with philosophical questions.

Ad example: "Wanted - Someone to butcher a cow"
Your reply: "Why would you want to butcher such a nice cow?"

3. Reply to all ads with criticism.

Ad example: "Horse for sale"
Your reply: "That horse is too skinny."

4. Post ads with way too much personal information.

Ad example: "Selling our pig because my husband lost his job and the landlord doesn't want us to have pigs anymore and the kids are too attached to the pig to eat it."

5. Post "for sale" ads with outrageous prices.

Ad example: "For sale - 25 year old horse, not trained, can't be ridden, needs special diet and extra hoof care monthly. $2500 firm!"

6. Be passive-aggressive.

Ad example: "For sale - 3 roosters, $10 each - Must go as pets only, don't contact me unless serious, fenced in yard only, must pick up. No delivery. Going to the first person who comes to get them. I will not hold them. Cash only."

7. Post guilt trip ads.

Ad example: "Nice dog needs a new home. Previous owner died and this nice little dog is all alone. She just wants a forever home!"

8. Post ads for stuff not related to the group.

Group: "Farm Animals in NNY"
Ad example: "1984 Chevy Impala for sale"

9. Use the group to solicit advice.

Post example: "My goat has a cough. What's wrong with it?"

10. Post links to political stuff vaguely related to animals.

With these tips, you should be the most valuable person in the group, or get you banned... whatevs.