Thursday, January 7, 2016

The Diary of a Diet: Part 4

7am Day 12: "Is it Day 11 or Day 12? All the days are running together. I am used to eating the different food. I can't remember the taste of bread or ice cream."
3pm Day 12: "I can totally remember the taste of ice cream!! I want it in my face right now!!"
10pm Day 12: "I am having cravings for foods I don't even like. I don't really like cheesecake but, boy, I would stab a kitten for a piece now. Even just plain, burnt cheesecake from Aunt Tilda."

7am Day 13: "I am rocking this! I am so comfortable with eating only the good foods, I could do this forever! I feel so much thinner and healthier."
3pm Day 13: "I wonder how much weight I have lost? I know I shouldn't look at the scale because this is about eating healthy and not a number on a scale. But it would be very encouraging for the next few days if I saw the real results. No! I won't break down. I won't step on the scale. Scales are evil!!"
10pm Day 13: "I stepped on the scale...Wah!!!! I only lost four ponds!!! Ack! All this frigging work for only four stupid pounds. I have taken poops bigger than that!!"

7am Day 14: "Ok. Four pounds is okay. It's four less than I was carrying. This is okay. I will keep working on this diet. I can't give up now."
3pm Day 14: "Ugh! I am so tired of this diet! I never want to eat another piece of kale again! I just don't want to work so hard anymore! I just want to buy a pizza and a bottle of soda, not slow-roast a brisket and then mash cauliflower and make a lemon walnut emulsion."
10pm Day 14: "This diet is awesome! I feel great! Yay!"

Monday, January 4, 2016

The Diary of a Diet: Part 3

7am Day 9: “TIGER BLOOD! Grrr! I have tiger blood! I jumped out of bed at 5am ready to take on the world. I have already done 30 minutes of yoga, made lunch for the whole family, prepped tonight’s dinner and put it in the crock pot to cook. I did three loads of laundry and all the dishes. I feel like a rock star!”
3pm Day 9: “This is awesome! I feel amazing! I had a handful of almonds and a cup of coffee today and I am not even hungry at all. I am going to do this diet FOREVER! TIGER BLOOD! Grrrr!”
10pm Day 9: “I am still going strong! I did one hour of cardio, all the grocery shopping, helped the kids with homework, prepped meals for the entire week, vacuumed the house, took the dogs for a walk, and made cupcakes for my work for tomorrow. I didn’t even try a cupcake! I don’t need it! I don’t want it! Now I am going to sit down with my glass of water with lemon in it and a cup of chia pudding, and relax for a few minutes.”

7am Day 10: “KILL ALL HUMANS!”
3pm Day 10: “I am so tired. I can barely move. I want to eat all the things!”
10pm Day 10: “This diet sucks so hard!”

7am Day 11: “I have been doing this diet for a week and a half. I am in too deep to quit. I won’t quit. I won’t quit.”
3pm Day 11: “I should quit. This is hard. All I want is a cupcake! I should totally quit”
10pm Day 11: “I didn’t quit but I want to. I just want to be done. So what if I am fat and grouchy for the rest of my life?? Who cares??”

To be continued....

Saturday, January 2, 2016

The Dairy of a Diet: Part 2

7am Day 5: "Ok. I am doing ok. I am a little tired of eggs for breakfast but I am ok."
3pm Day 5: "This is easy. I am getting the hang of this. Tonight I will be making vegetable pizza with a cauliflower and almond meal crust and faux cheese using yeast and coconut milk. It's going to be awesome!"
10pm Day 5: "I am so tired!! It took five hours to make dinner. I had to make everything from scratch and it was so hard! And I am starving! The 'pizza' had zero carbs and zero flavor!"

7am Day 6: "Eggs again... yay..."
3pm Day 6: "Oohh! I found a recipe for chocolate pudding using organic cacao and avocados. It looks delish! And it has no added sugar, only pureed dates."
10pm Day 6: "Get your mother &®£|<€ avocados out of my mother [>®{|> pudding!!"

7am Day 7: "Oh god! I hate eggs! Or as I call them 'self-contained snot wads'."
3 pm Day 7: "I am going out to dinner with friends tonight. I have googled the restaurant menu and picked out a healthy meal. I will have to bring my own dressing and make sure they don't use butter in the broiled haddock and ask for steamed veggies on the side instead of the pasta, but that should be no problem."
10 pm Day 7: "Screw it. I ordered the meatball sub with mozzarella sticks for an appetizer and had a brownie sundae for dessert. I mean, how often do I really go out to dinner anyway? This was a special treat."

7am Day 8: "Ow! My stomach hurts so much! I can't believe I ate that much garbage last night! I will not be doing that ever again!"
3 pm Day 8: "I am going out to dinner again. I am prepared and ready this time. I will eat healthy!"
10 pm Day 8: "I totally had the sub again..."

To be continued.

Friday, January 1, 2016

The Diary of a Diet

10pm the night before starting a diet: "I am sick and tired of being fat and lazy! This is it! I am going to start tomorrow. No more eating junk! Only fruit, vegetables, and meat from now on! Maybe I'll even run a marathon. If I start training tomorrow, I will be ready. This is it! I will DO this!"

7am Day 1: "Ugh. Do I really have to do this? There's no healthy food in this house. Ok. Only walnuts and coffee for food today."
3pm Day 1: "Time to shop. God, I'm starving! I will only buy healthy food. I WILL only buy healthy food. Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 1: "Well, that was a little rough. I have the groceries now so tomorrow will be better. I won't start training for the marathon until I get my eating on track."

7am Day 2: "This isn't too hard. I can do this."
3 pm Day 2: "Still going strong. Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 2: "The cookies are gone so now there's no more excuses."

7am Day3: "Ugh! Why am I doing this??! I am not really that fat, right? I would rather die fat and happy than skinny and starving!"
3pm Day 3: "I am sooo hungry but I just ate three pounds of carrot sticks and five apples! This hunger isn't real, this hunger isn't REAL! It's my sugar dragon. I will slay the dragon! Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 3: "I would sell my baby for a bag of Oreos! Instead I am shoving raisins and almonds in my mouth like a chipmunk prepping for winter."

7am Day 4: "I am over the hump. It should be smooth sailing from now on."
3pm Day 4: "Why does this parking lot smell like frosting?! I am hallucinating! Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom..nom...nom...
10pm Day 4: "I still smell frosting... I still smell frosting..."

To be continued.