Friday, January 1, 2016

The Diary of a Diet

10pm the night before starting a diet: "I am sick and tired of being fat and lazy! This is it! I am going to start tomorrow. No more eating junk! Only fruit, vegetables, and meat from now on! Maybe I'll even run a marathon. If I start training tomorrow, I will be ready. This is it! I will DO this!"

7am Day 1: "Ugh. Do I really have to do this? There's no healthy food in this house. Ok. Only walnuts and coffee for food today."
3pm Day 1: "Time to shop. God, I'm starving! I will only buy healthy food. I WILL only buy healthy food. Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 1: "Well, that was a little rough. I have the groceries now so tomorrow will be better. I won't start training for the marathon until I get my eating on track."

7am Day 2: "This isn't too hard. I can do this."
3 pm Day 2: "Still going strong. Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 2: "The cookies are gone so now there's no more excuses."

7am Day3: "Ugh! Why am I doing this??! I am not really that fat, right? I would rather die fat and happy than skinny and starving!"
3pm Day 3: "I am sooo hungry but I just ate three pounds of carrot sticks and five apples! This hunger isn't real, this hunger isn't REAL! It's my sugar dragon. I will slay the dragon! Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom...nom...nom...
10pm Day 3: "I would sell my baby for a bag of Oreos! Instead I am shoving raisins and almonds in my mouth like a chipmunk prepping for winter."

7am Day 4: "I am over the hump. It should be smooth sailing from now on."
3pm Day 4: "Why does this parking lot smell like frosting?! I am hallucinating! Oh, look! Cookies!" Nom..nom...nom...
10pm Day 4: "I still smell frosting... I still smell frosting..."

To be continued.

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