Friday, February 22, 2013

Decoding Craigslist

I love Craigslist. It is a great place to find a deal on something you need or find things you want that you never knew you wanted. If nothing else, it provides great comic relief on days when you need a laugh because some of the junk people try to sell is hilarious!

I have created this handy decoder list to help people figure out the finer points of what is written in a Craigslist ad:

“Paid $XXX, will sacrifice for $ZZZ” = I paid too much for it in the first place

“Easy keeper” = Eats everything in sight, sometimes things that aren’t even food

“Friendly” = Hasn’t bitten anyone today

“Pet only, NOT FOR MEAT” = I feel guilty that I can’t keep it so maybe there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that someone will want to keep a 600 lb male pig for a pet.

“Forever home only” = Don’t worry it’s about ready to kick the bucket

“Free roosters, Pets only” = I believe in unicorns, too!

“Spirited” = Runs away a lot

“Flashy color” = That’s the only good thing I have to say about it

“Pasture-raised” = I left it in the pasture to fend for itself so now it is probably full of parasites, needs it hooves trimmed, and can’t be caught without the use of a helicopter and dart-gun.

“Pasture-bred” = I don’t remember what day the buck got loose

“MUST SEE” = Too ugly to post a picture of

“Registered but comes without papers” = Not registered at all

“Purebred Cross” = I don’t know WTF breed it is

“Purebred but not registered” = I swear both parents were at least the same species

“To good home only” = This makes me look like I care….but I don’t!

“Or best offer” = I’ve been trying to sell the damn thing for 2 years! I’ll pay you to take it!

“Easy to handle” = Yeah, once you catch him!

“No reasonable offer refused” = Please, PLEASE! SOMEONE TAKE IT OFF MY HANDS!

“Re-homing fee” = Price

“Good with kids” = Only bites/kicks every third kid it sees

“Husband horse” = Huge and ugly, smells bad too

“XX years old” = Add 5-8 years to XX

“Not for breeding” = It was a mistake when it was born so please don't let this monster pass on its genetics to another generation

“Willing to pay reasonable price” = By “reasonable” I mean dirt friggin cheap, or better yet free


Rae said...

Lmao at "helicopter and a dart gun"!

I especially like seeing "pure-bread". I want to ask, "white, wheat, or rye?"

* Crystal * said...

LOL too funny! Though I must say I've advertised some easy keepers because they truly were easy keepers and I had to stress to new owners not to go crazy with grain or treats :)

I love looking at horse ads on CL as most are pretty comical, and I love the ads that state you can't eat the

Cat said...

Having been the recipient of a couple of these... I grin. I am pretty sure you are correct on a lot of them. Especially the Pet Only No Food one...


Michaele said...

You got that right : )