Recipe for Pineapple Cranberry Muffins

Here's my recipe for yummy pineapple-cranberry muffins:

1. Start out trying to make pineapple-carrot bundt cake. Get out bundt pan, can of crushed pineapple, and carrots. Find only 2 scummy looking carrots in the fridge. Dig through the freezer looking for the bag of shredded carrots you thought was still in there from 2011. Find no carrots, but do find a bag of cranberries from when you had hopes of making cranberry relish for Thanksgiving 2010. Taste test a cranberry and decide that they don't really get freezer burn, right?

2. Get out cookbooks and look for a recipe for cranberry muffins. Upon finding no suitable recipes, start looking for one that calls for crushed pineapple. Find a recipe for "Pineapple Wedding Cake" with cream cheese frosting.

3. Start making recipe according to book. Add 1 1/2 cups of chopped cranberries because they go with pineapple, right? Add orange juice and orange zest because you can't have cranberries in something without adding oranges.

4. Realize that the added orange juice has made the batter too watery. Add 1/2 cup of extra flour. Contemplate adding walnuts but then remember that husband doesn't like walnuts very much.

5. Decide to make muffins instead of bundt cake. Put away bundt pan and start looking for paper muffin liners. Find only 3 full-sized ones and a whole package of mini-liners. Put full-sized liners back on shelf, and write a note to buy more. Bust out the new mini muffin tins from Christmas.

6. Turn on oven and read two chapters of new library book while waiting for it to heat up.

7. Fill both mini muffin tins with liners and batter. Put in oven. See that there is enough batter to make another round of mini muffins. Contemplate saying "screw it" and just pour the rest of the batter in a loaf pan. Decide not to.

8. Read a few more chapters while muffins bake.

9. Take muffins out and dump on counter. Refill muffin tins with liners and batter and stick back in the oven.

10. Read a few more chapters. Taste test a few muffins. Find that the paper liners are very hard to get off of muffins. Decide to nix the cream cheese frosting because of this and because you don't have any cream cheese anyway.

11. Pull remaining muffins from oven. Dump on counter. Throw dirty muffin tins and dirty dishes in sink to be cleaned in the morning. Taste test a few more muffins.

12. Taste test enough muffins that you aren't hungry for dinner anymore and go sit to read book and drink a beer while husband asks when dinner will be ready. Point to muffins and grunt.

Done!